Radio Show in Canada

Thursday April 12th, 2007

Hello citizens,

From what I can ascertain, you all seemed tremendously excited to hear me on the radio.
I can only imagine the deep and profound remorse and regret for missing such an occasion.
That being said, I believe got the session loaded properly on Timber Media for your listening pleasure.

Have a listen here http://www.timbermedia.com/listen.html to a whimsical account of my
Easter with the Moms: The Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers: An Easter Tail

Most Sincerely,

Timmy

www.timbermedia.com

An out of town visit

I love coming up to Lindsay to visit my mother: I read, relax and arithmatize, we bowl (5 pin), check out the local Sally Ann and thrift shops and I get to have a lot of baths...not at the 2nd hand store, though that may be an option, I'm going to make some suggestions regarding their lack of sauna-type-activity - a hot whirly jacuzzi might be just the thing to relax in whilst hunting for $8.00 suits.

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 20th

Heather was wonderful: smart and heartfelt, the other two not so much. One of the authors - who I'll not mention for fear of being unnecessarily mean - represented for me just why I run far away from a good chunk of these damn writer's reading things. I'll explain: these are some of the words that came up whilst he was spewing his wickedly droll mind-numbing disharmony: separation, monarch, population, regionalism, national status, cabinet, Winnipeg, our troops at home, Federal, Quebec & Ottawa. Out of this world smarmy, funny-eye-brow action, like, all-too-eager, here I go, I've got something absolutely positively electric to share mouth dropping way wide open (me) prize winning idiocy. What's worse is how deliriously smug he was whilst spreading the drabness, the seniors-in-underpant contingent gobbled it up, though to be fair, they're the ones who've season tickets to this Harbourfront dosefest, so they just show up no matter what's happening, cuz it gives them a break from going to the bathroom and sleeping and playing bridge at home. My mind couldn't help but wander, moseying on over to terribly important things I could have been getting done at the old headquarters, for instance, there's this absurdly dirty laundry bag that needs a good rinse, I could be at work on that, or the TV, that needs a good Windex wipe down. But seriously, dull, dull, dull.

Now Miss O'Neill.


















One of the things that make a creative and classy writer is the ability to improvise, ultimately following their passion. She got up there, chose not to read from her novel, the one that Harper Collins was promoting, probably the reason she was there at Harbourfront in the first place, but she pulls out of her little literary trick bag an enchanting bright story that she performed a while back on This American Life and The Wire.

Way to go Heather.

We got to talking a bit, odd though, she seemed a little creeped-out by my bi-polar manic approach and my first line, "Hey there, tell me, does this juice box taste funny to you?" I thought it was a pretty decent opening line. My witty banter may also have something to do with the reason I am a single gentleman.

At The Cafe

It's super to be here at Linuxcafe.com Frankie and Jamon just helped me set this up.

Note To Self

Note to self: best stay far away from ladies with emblazoned Oriental tattoos branded on parts of their form. Also, the ratio of people who resemble animals is dramatically much higher in the subway system.

Going to meet Heather O'Neill this evening and listen to her read from her book, "Lullibies for Little Criminals". I knew she'd do well, Christina always thought she was amazing.

Vanessa at The Anne McDermid Agency www.mcdermidagency.com is still reading my book. Fingers and toes crossed. More addicted than ever to watching Family Guy at 11:00 then Arrested Development at 12:00. In-between, I rub down my huge and hairy Polish Superintendent with Ben Gay and Tiger Balm (part of my rental agreement). She's tall but well worth the climb. (Sorry). Looking forward to the end of this long tough Winter.

Author's Festival Toronto

Went to see Gay Talese read this past weekend at the Author's Festival here in Toronto. Turns out, my father was from the same town as his in Italy. Go figure. Can you see the resemblance? Oddly enough, he wanted to know who MY tailor is. Strange, no?! A Writer's Life

Author Shaugnessy Bishop Stahl and me at the Festival

Also, I'm on Nik Beat's radio show this evening at 11:00, reading one of my demented and sad spooky Halloween tales. It's 89.5 FM if you're near a radio. Some say I have a great face for radio...um, that's good, right? Have a listen here.

Tuesday

Cheers

Someone in New York sent me this picture from years ago, back when I was living the dream in New York in the 90's. I'm the one trying to glom onto the club kid scene, the one with the orange wig and glasses behind Michael Alig, The infamous Party Monster.

Michael used to run The Limelight Nightclub on West 20th St. in Manhattan and was convicted of chopping up his drug dealer and putting his pieces in the Harlem River. I used to work for him part time, promoting different theme nights. I, to this date, have never killed anyone. Nice work Michael.

This is Michaels' address now, NOT in New York City:

Michael Alig, Din: 97A6595 Elmira Correctional Facility P.O. Box 500 Elmira New York 14902-0500

Everyone should write him. Why? Just to be silly.

Downtown Toronto People

Okay, so, I don't think I got this host job thing that I auditioned for at CBC. The reason I believe this, is that it was on television the other day, and I was not on it.

I have managed to find a new cafe called linuxcaffe. http://www.linuxcaffe.ca/ It's fantastic. Their store is right on the park's edge of Harbord and Grace. The owners are a married couple, I think. They have names which, if I recall, are pretty close to Lena and David, (but don't quote me) and who seem (so far) to have been putting up pretty well (from what I can see) with my popping in at least twice a day to "check in", order juice, caffeine products, ramble incessantly and inform on my friends and the curious neighborhood activities. No one is certain, quite how my consistent presence will alter the aura of the place.

I'm cool because when I reference the director Paul Thomas Anderson. I just say PTA. Boy, it's good there's no application process to be awarded your own blog.

And, I don't think it's too "out there" a concept, developing the film Magnolia into a one man show and taking it on the road. No big venues right away. I mean Pomona, probably, Upstate New York, The Catskills, then hit the bigger markets.

Neil Diamond once heartily sang, "Home's the most excellent place of all", alas, this was barked despairingly from the fifth floor of a Betty Ford Detox... which shouldn't cancel out the heartfelt sentiment entirely, I'm just saying.

Lastly, I saw a pathetically hilarious and tragic comedy film about the acting business, called HAM AND CHEESE with Mike Beaver in it. He has a funny name. Scott Thompson and Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall had small parts in it. Made me glad I'm not an actor.

Good grief.

This photographer took our picture because we look like "Downtown Toronto People," whatever that means...

Word Substance Spatula Team

A shot of the Word Substance Spatula Team. (Producer Christina, Ed the tech man, and myself) Many months of research, author egos, plane fares, car rentals, whining and dining, sleep depletion, reorganization, inappropriate snowfalls and even more inappropriate times to stage Academy Award Shows - the Motion Picture Academy failed to check in with our team to make sure that our events would not conflict. Um, they did marginally better, but it was close. During the second installment of our interactive, innovative literary might, I emerge from the basement of the Drake Hotel to see what was going on at the Anti-Award party, and what do I see on a gargantuanly huge television was my friend Chris Landreth in Los Angeles accepting an award for Best Animated Short! Sitting beside him my very good friend and his partner in a life of love and crime, the lovely and wicked smart Jody Terio. It totally made my night...well, almost...actually, an audience of more than 3 would have REALLY made my night, but, hey, your life can't be all hand jobs and ice cream. I can't remember who said that, it was either Milton Berle or Winston Churchill.

Oh yes, one last thing: someone sent a letter to the Timber Media offices and I've discovered that Nostradamus and I have the same birthday. Weird, eh? Also Morey Amsterdam, the short frisky hack writer on that old TV show, that guy, from The Dick Van Dyke Show. Now that's comedy.

Cat Walking

My Cat walking business hasn't taken off the way I'd hoped. Cats, as is turns out, are not the speediest of creatures, it's a loud and frantic outing, but they get their exercise. Also, Animal Husbandry isn't at all what I thought it was, so right away, I can pretty much check off those two categories right there as far as hot financial opportunities. I think I'd be a pretty good Horse Whisperer, maybe a Cat whisperer, really, the deal there is just coming up with what's most suitable to say, so nobody ends up feeling funny.

I'm really pleased about The National Post article on Kensington Market that came out last week. A nicely-placed full page spread. Ideally, I'd like to do a lot more of that participatory investigative journalism stuff, kind of like George Peppard was famous for... I mean Plimpton, but much less gay...I mean gray.

Found this picture of David Rakoff and me at The Writer's Festival here in Toronto last year.